When a friend is ill, what do you do?

There comes a time in Life when you must face what is really important in your life. I am at one of those points now. For those of you who have read my blogs, you know that I have been at war with one of my friends, and former lovers. You can read this in "When a friend crosses the line." I was at the point of being mad with this man, and even to the point where my anger festered into hate. How could a man say such things about my boyfriend. How could he be so hurtful to me. I shared his messages, and our conversations to those around me, to see if I was wrong. I know i may have over stepped my grounds, however, they all agreed that this person was out of line. I was hurt, and was fine having nothing to do with him. Well this morning I got a call from his Wife, and I got the news that he was in the hospital again. At first, I thought, ok, and I should know why? But as the message went on, I learned the severity of the issue. He was critical last night, and may not come out alive. Wow, this is serious. Am I really willing to allow a man, who did so much for me, leave this earth without me making amends? Am I really that much of an asshole? In my heart of hearts, I know I need to make amends with this man. He was there for me when no one was there, and offered a hand up/out when I needed it. Yes, he hurt me, and my partner, but I cannot and will not allot that to keep me from seeing him. The things he said to me hurt me greatly, and I know my partner is furious with him, but i will not allow that to hinder me. I can only hope that if I were in the same situation, he'd forget the past and come to see me. I will be leaving shortly to make the trip up to Maine. I wish I didn't have to, but too many time in my life, Have I lost someone and not had the chance to say goodbye. I lost a classmate in the fifth grade to cancer, my girl, Denelsia, in High School lost her mother. I never got to say goodbye to my Grandma, but I did with my Papa, and All i can think of is the simple fact that though he was weak, deaf and mute, he held on to me with such strength. I am an emotional wreck right now, but will do my best to calm down. I have a long trip in front of me, and will be leaving shortly. I keep thinking the longer I hold off leaving for Maine, the longer he'll be around. Is this really happening to me? Is he really going to die? Do I really have to say goodbye to him? Why must life be so hard? Well it's quarter of 11 and I have been holding off too long.