Random blog.

As many of you may or may not know, the woman I call my mother is not my birth mother, DUH! They come home from my sister’s place, and I’m already in the process of cleaning. I stop to tell my Father that the town has shut off the water supply(sewer work), and was wondering if we knew how long it was going to last. I turn to put two cans of hash away, and my mother says, “when are you going to put this stuff away, You know I can’t stand to have stuff around the house.” Now I will be the first to admit to you that here in Mass, I am not a clean person. I throw my shit on the floor, and leave it until the next time I need it. But when I travel, or am elsewhere, I am anal about my stuff, and who touches it. But my mother’s idea of a clean house is that of one from the Country home and Garden mags. I can’t see how anyone would want to live in a home that doesn’t look lived in, but that’s her idea of comfortable living. Me, I don’t mind a ripped couch, or a dented floor, as long as the roof isn’t leaking, I’m cool. I can’t stand this, and once again,(Yes John, this is about the 1000th time now) I’ve been kicked out. I’m free to have my “fun” in NH, after all, not everyone can spend money every weekend on travel. I’m sorry, but I’m working on keeping a relationship, and this one is going to stay. We are on our eight month, and if my mother doesn’t like it she can Fuck off. I’ve had it with her shit, her biased way, just because we are gay, and I’m tired of being a second rate citizen. I’ve worked too hard to try to fit in, and know what it’s like to be the odd man out. When I think of my mother, I think of my old Catholic School Bully Mark. The kid who used to push me down and punch me because I was Asian. I was told to stick to my own kind. I wasn’t allowed to be friends with the other white kids in school, and that’s why I left the Catholic School system. I had to fight to become an American Citizen, me a Child, who was brought over, had to declare why I had a right to be here. If it was up to me, I’d rather be in a Korean Institution, never allowed to see what the outside world was like. But instead I was adopted to a psychotic mother, who believes what is normal is in her mind. I have no doubt that I will face more physical challenges in my life as I age. I know that I will eventually require double hip, knee and ankle replacements, because of childhood dysphasia. I also know that because of my diabetes, my kidneys are likely to kick out at anytime. But Why should I have to fight with my folks. My father, God bless him, loves Shawn, but won’t stand up to my mother. It’s times like these when McDonalds is looking better by the day. Anything to get my ass out of this house. Maybe I should spend the nights/days in my car, drive to different rest areas, and sleep. Maybe I need to do that, and get out of this house. Something needs to be done, and I’m working at finding a solution, but nothing is showing up. I am not a quitter, and failure is not an option. I’ve invested a lot into the relationship I have now, and I am not the same old person I was two years ago. But I do need to take drastic measures.