Gay Hate, a national problem, or one on the home front?

So for those of you who know I am "Sinning." I am "dirty" and "am not in a good place with the Lord." I am outspoken, and am flaunting my sin to the world, which only makes matters worse. I am just like every other gay person out there, flaunting my sin for the Good Catholics, and Christians to see, and to be horrified by. (Ma, I love you, but with such words, of hatred to your own son, how can you question why i am soo stressed? Why are you blinded to the fact that you are tearing us apart. Why can't you see that the "words of love" you claim to share only cause me to clam up, and cause me to hate myself.) For those of you who know me, you know this is my mother. I face this Monday through Friday, and yes, sometimes on Sundays when I come home from my "F*ck buddy 'urrr boyfriend" as my mother likes to so dearly call Shawn. I am pissed that I cannot do the right thing without being harassed, or put down, and yes this is before I even leave my own home, the very place I am supposed to be safe. My mother claimed to love me, and stated; "I loved you since you were 11 months old, you were mine way before and fu, boyfriend had you. I understand you think you were born that way, and you know it's not true. You want to live a homosexual life, and i do not approve, now tell me why you are so stressed?" Yes, Shawn and I have out romantic times, who doesn't? But if she could only see the times we are sitting alone and sharing a heart to heart moment, Or if she could have only been in the room when I cried in Shawn's arms apologizing for being who i was. And she questions why I am stressed? She now, after saying that it is her place to out me to her sisters, is putting it in my hand. She thinks it's her place, because she'll be embarrassed if they ask her why she didn't tell them before. Well ma, why didn't you? You've seen the cop porn, and all those masculine men kissing. Wasn't that enough of a hint that your son is a fucking faggot? And who cares if "some one googles my name is sees that I'm gay and asks you why you didn't tell them." I'm not a pedophile, I like and have an older man in my life. You say I need to be admitted, for psychiatric help, and you're rigght. I am going nuts, and am finding it hard to live on a daily basis with your BS. If i stay here too long you just may see that your fears of me blowing my brains out are true. But I cannot do that to Shawn. I love him, and am sorry that you cannot see it. He has been there for me, and has been a helping hand when you and others make it hard for me. Ma, I'd do anytrhing to be able to walk in walmart with Shawn, holding his hand, but it's people like you who scare me. I go to reach for his hand, and think, "What if someone objects, and walks up to us?" There are time I want to touch him, and choose not to, because the thought of being harassed comes into play. Ma, I feel like a social retard because When I go up to NH, I see how loving people can be, I see the true colours of others. Hell, Shawn's sis even hugged me, his own effin' family accepts me, and you do nothing but bitch about me and him. You say you love me, but it's times like now, I think you wish I was dead, or at least out of your mind. You walked away for this most recent argument feeling like we accomplished something, but I know that the only thing that got done was the cementing my plans to get out of here asap. Then I will be dead to you. I will be out of your life, and you can go about your life without your let down of a gay son. But know this, I hope with my leaving you, you come into contact with more gays than you'd know what to do with. Then you'd know what a flamboyant homosexual is really like. You'd know what a real outspoken homosexual is really saying. You'll find out that I wasn't as bad as you thought. There were soo many vices I could have fallin' into, but chose not to. Is who I sleep with soo bad, that you can't act like a decent mother to me? You throw the Bible at me, well if you really believe in it, then stone Mary, Wendy, and myself for having pre-marital sex. Yes, your queen of a son, is calling himself a daughter, for parable purposes. Then if they survive(the Bible says stone them to death), then sell them into slavery. Go Ahead, I mean the Bible says to. If you could only see the hurt and hate you spread. You say what if, so in so knows. Tell them, I bet you I'd shock them, because they wouldn't picture me as gay, and they'd see it wasn't that bad. You throw porn in my face saying i have a problem, well ma, if you must know, I feel guilty looking at it. All I can think of is Shawn. And because of that I am not the sex animal you think I am. Gawd, get a grip. As soon as I get a job in NH, you can bet you cracker southern baptist/catholic m*ther effin' arse that I"ll be packing up and moving out.