The broken male

In today's society we phol high priotity on the "Masculine" male. Drive by any school and you see fathers yel;ling at their sons, to stop crying because it's not manly. God forbit a child shows his fears. I know that I will forever be broken, because there's a void in my life that will never be filled, or atleast highly unlikel. It kills me when i think about my roots, and how i will never know who my birth parents are. Is my mother young? Is she still alive? Does she think about me, or am i a forgotten thought. Does she talk about me, like we do my brother? (mis carriage, Love you John) Do I have any brothers and sisters? These questions eat me up on a daily basis, and i doubt they will ever go away. I am not a "clubby" guy as in going to the night clubs everynight, but i am a club guy as in joining bands, and associations. I do so because i always feel like I don't belong. Even in my BMX and soccer days, I was accepted by my friends but there was always that void that could never be filled. I've come to the realization that my adoptive family does love me, but they, at least my ma doesn't accept my sexuality. For as long as I can remember I was always trying to find a new daddy. As a young child i saught out the attention from an older man, and came close to meeting up with several pedophiles. But as a young boy, I thought they wanted to be my daddy, little did I know that they only wanted to get their rocks off. Needless to say I never met any of those guys. I guess someone was looking out for me.
More will follow